Feb. 11, 2007
I talked to Pauline last night on the internet and told her that I had to make a confession I told her that I had an affair with another woman. The silence on the other end seemed like hours but it was in fact just a few heartbeats. She said “What are you talking about?” Her voice was calm but I could sense that she was really holding back the tears. I told her that I hadn’t planned on it but things just happened. It was about one year ago I used my Continental One Pass miles and took a flight to the Bahamas and had an affair with Anna Nichol Smith and that the baby was probably mine! At least I think it could be mine, but there were so many other guys hanging around that I couldn’t be 100% certain. When I arrived the waiting room was pretty full and I had to take a number. 37 has always been lucky for me over the years. It’s not like I’ve won the super lotto or anything that dramatic, but once I was the 37th person to order a Big Mac with super sized fries and I won a free Strawberry shake at the McDonalds on Embassy road in Manila, August ’02. You Know, now that I think about it, it was in fact June ’02 and they didn’t give me a free Strawberry shake but a coupon that said the NEXT time I go there I would get a free Chocolate shake. Where did I put that damn coupon? I’ve learned over the years that when something falls to the floor, never pick it up, as chances are that it will still be there when you look for it. Hey look, here’s that toothbrush I’ve been looking for the last 3 months, and most of the bristles are still attached. This is great, now I can brush my teeth again…or as soon as I find that tube of “Close Up” toothpaste. This is the new improved “Close Up” with extra “Whiteners” and its got to be at least half full as I mostly squeeze the tube from the bottom and hardly ever from the middle. I’m sure it’s here somewhere around or under the couch…Well, no hurry I can always look for it tomorrow. No wait here’s the cap. Will you look at this, there’s so much “hair” stuck on it, it looks like a tiny little grey haired porcupine. No sense in picking it up now as I don’t have the tube just yet and it will still be right here tomorrow.
Anyways Pauline is taking this all much better than I first thought, in fact she’s taking it way better that that Zsa Zsa Gabor woman. Between you and me, old Prince “Freddie” was only in there for less the 6 minutes. And Howard Stern didn’t last much longer, but in all fairness he did have a good excuse, as he had to get back on the “air” for his morning show on that satellite radio thing. Has anybody signed up for that yet? One of the longest was Larry the lawyer, but then again lawyers get paid by the hour and they, in reality, “pad” their time. The longest by far was this “Male Nurse” who cut to the front of the line with this syringe filled with what he called “The old farts juice”. Most of us laughed when #49 said that reason he was taking so long was he probably didn’t know just where to put it.
OK, time to go; I don’t want to miss a minute of “Fox’s” 24 hour coverage.
You know, I just saw an article on page 29 of the National Enquirer that they just caught Bin Laden in the Mormon Tabernacle in Salt Lake City, Utah…Go figure…
Lenny
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